Arrange Marriage, or Love. Pt 2



In one of my earlier posts, I spoke about the differences and pros and cons with arrange and love marriage. Its only been 2 years since I’ve posted my thoughts and in those two years, I’ve seen most of the people I went to school with as well as have been friends with, get married. Some love, others arranged. But all of them happy with who they ended up with.

 

It’s weird to grow up with someone and the person you once knew is about to get married and settle down. That too if it’s with someone they don’t even know much about.

 

A couple of people I’ve known throughout the years, got an arrange marriage. One didn’t know the person at all until the wedding date was set. The other one was friends with the person for years but never saw them in that way. With both pros and cons about arrange marriage, the one thing that needs to be on top of the list is happiness. Even if it’s with love marriage, the most important thing to keep a marriage going is happiness. If both sides aren’t happy, then the marriage will surely fail.

 

There’s a lot of compromises in relationships when getting married. And to keep the other person happy, one always has to compromise. Not because they don’t have another choice but because their significant others’ happiness should be greater than yours.

 

What else is on my mind? To be continued…





April 17th, 2018 by Sabreena

The After Lives of College Graduates



For all those who had just graduated college, what exactly are your life goals?

For most of my life, all my time spent whether it was going to school, or coming home to do school work, and even working, was somehow related to an education field. Even my recent new job, as well as my previous one, was in higher education. Though now, I don’t have to deal with students directly, which I thank God for; I’m on an actual campus this time instead of sitting in a closed office space with a table that’s 3 ft x 3 ft and no leg space whatsoever.

Now that I have a new job, what exactly am I doing with my life? I hear stories about college graduates all living their life before they actually settle down with their career and others who have the job they wanted after college graduation and already set towards a career goal. Is that really worth it?

 

It might be.

 

They say you need a bucket list that you need to complete before you die. But how many people actually create one and how many complete the tasks? I believe everyone should have more than just one bucket list. One list of things they want to do or do before college graduation, like attend a college party (without getting belligerently drunk) or study abroad. A list for after college graduation and before getting a real job. A list before getting married, and of course one after you’re married so you can complete the tasks with your partner. This way, you’re doing a little of everything and you wont have the FOMO in life.

 

But what exactly do people want to carry out before they reach their goals of graduating college and before getting married and getting a job. Because once you have a job, your freedom has a limit to what you can actually do with your life outside of your job. You may want to travel the world but without money you can’t and without a job you wont have money. Do you save that for later? Or you can do it while having a job. But that means either mini weekend vacations, or one long one per year. All your time is mostly spent at work. After you’re married, all your time will be going to your/their family.

So when do you really have the ‘time’ to go on a vacation on the other side of the world? To share the beautiful sights you see when you’re going on a road trip across the country? To meet new people and make new friends? To just relax and give time to yourself? When will you ever get around to even create a bucket list, let alone complete the ideas you have on there?

Time is really valuable. If you waste it, there’s no getting it back.

 

What’s on your bucket list?





September 22nd, 2017 by Sabreena

Arrange Marriage, or Love?





Ideally, what does one think about marriage?Indian Marriage

So, as we get older, we have responsibilities to take care of and we all want to, at a certain point of course settle down. But how do we choose who to spend the rest of our lives with?

Well, if you’re Desi/brown, and a girl, then you will definitely know what I’m going for. As for you guys, at least you have a little time on your hands in this matter. Girls need to get married like ASAP!

Girls aren’t supposed to marry at 30 like Americans. After you pass a certain age, YOU HAVE TO START LOOKING FOR SOMEONE! And if you don’t find someone to marry before you’re 30, you’re most likely never going to get married. Apparently no one likes 30 year old’s!

Me?:

I’m only 22. Didn’t even graduate college (yes, I do intend to!), and I’ve already got thrown under the “find someone to marry” bus. Although there are some people I know who already got married at the age or 22, even younger, I’m not one of them. Not that I can’t find someone (well..kinda mostly that), but because my mentality isn’t like others. I don’t care much for settling down; YET at least. There are other things that need to be done before I even start joining one of those dating websites.

Everyone should definitely have a pre-marriage bucket list!

But what irks me the most is when your parents start looking! Like okay, yes they always know the best for you, but they don’t really know the other person they’re choosing for you. They could do all the background checks they want, find out their family history, check their bank account, or even find out their blood type, but it won’t be enough until you actually get to know the person.

Now that’s arrange marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against it, and honestly, I wouldn’t even mind it. Arrange marriage is like an adventure. You start off fresh some someone new. But do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with them? How do you know they’re worth it? All that money being spent on the wedding could go to a nice vacation in the Bahamas. It’s simple, you don’t know if it’s worth it! More like a trial and error sort, you just don’t get that many re-do’s. But with arrange marriage, you get to learn to love the person. Just like how you don’t choose your parents or siblings, you learn to love them and spend your life with them, well not your whole life, but most of it.

As for love marriage, you know your other’s strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and you can tolerate the other person without killing them. (Some more than others.)

The positive side of love marriage; you already love that person. And you can always find something new about them everyday. Like when you sleep with them the first time (like literally SLEEP!) Or what it’s like to actually live with this person, if you haven’t already. The possibilities of finding new things about the other person is always endless. There will be some things you hate. Then other things that just make you fall in love all over again. Make every date feel like the first date. They accept you for you. Love should be unconditional.

As for the negative, you may start to get tired of the same thing. And the thought of spending the rest of your life with that person is, scary.

But who really decides what’s right?

Here’s a con about arrange marriages; what if you don’t even get to see the person you’re going to marry till the wedding is over?! Yeah, that would probably suck! But what if they just turns out to be utterly horrible and it ends in divorce because you two were not compatible enough to spend the rest of your lives together? What if they use your past against you? What if they just don’t accept you? But then again, what if they’re just perfect for you? What if they’re “The One“??? Ah, the joys of marrying someone you knew for a month.

They say everything is written. How much do you believe in fate?

Well, all I can say now is, let the adventure begin. Arrange marriage it is. (I can already feel the regrets.)



March 24th, 2015 by Sabreena
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