In one of my earlier posts, I spoke about the differences and pros and cons with arrange and love marriage. Its only been 2 years since I’ve posted my thoughts and in those two years, I’ve seen most of the people I went to school with as well as have been friends with, get married. Some love, others arranged. But all of them happy with who they ended up with.
It’s weird to grow up with someone and the person you once knew is about to get married and settle down. That too if it’s with someone they don’t even know much about.
A couple of people I’ve known throughout the years, got an arrange marriage. One didn’t know the person at all until the wedding date was set. The other one was friends with the person for years but never saw them in that way. With both pros and cons about arrange marriage, the one thing that needs to be on top of the list is happiness. Even if it’s with love marriage, the most important thing to keep a marriage going is happiness. If both sides aren’t happy, then the marriage will surely fail.
There’s a lot of compromises in relationships when getting married. And to keep the other person happy, one always has to compromise. Not because they don’t have another choice but because their significant others’ happiness should be greater than yours.
So, as we get older, we have responsibilities to take care of and we all want to, at a certain point of course settle down. But how do we choose who to spend the rest of our lives with?
Well, if you’re Desi/brown, and a girl, then you will definitely know what I’m going for. As for you guys, at least you have a little time on your hands in this matter. Girls need to get married like ASAP!
Girls aren’t supposed to marry at 30 like Americans. After you pass a certain age, YOU HAVE TO START LOOKING FOR SOMEONE! And if you don’t find someone to marry before you’re 30, you’re most likely never going to get married. Apparently no one likes 30 year old’s!
Me?:
I’m only 22. Didn’t even graduate college (yes, I do intend to!), and I’ve already got thrown under the “find someone to marry” bus. Although there are some people I know who already got married at the age or 22, even younger, I’m not one of them. Not that I can’t find someone (well..kinda mostly that), but because my mentality isn’t like others. I don’t care much for settling down; YET at least. There are other things that need to be done before I even start joining one of those dating websites.
Everyone should definitely have a pre-marriage bucket list!
But what irks me the most is when your parents start looking! Like okay, yes they always know the best for you, but they don’t really know the other person they’re choosing for you. They could do all the background checks they want, find out their family history, check their bank account, or even find out their blood type, but it won’t be enough until you actually get to know the person.
Now that’s arrange marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against it, and honestly, I wouldn’t even mind it. Arrange marriage is like an adventure. You start off fresh some someone new. But do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with them? How do you know they’re worth it? All that money being spent on the wedding could go to a nice vacation in the Bahamas. It’s simple, you don’t know if it’s worth it! More like a trial and error sort, you just don’t get that many re-do’s. But with arrange marriage, you get to learn to love the person. Just like how you don’t choose your parents or siblings, you learn to love them and spend your life with them, well not your whole life, but most of it.
As for love marriage, you know your other’s strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and you can tolerate the other person without killing them. (Some more than others.)
The positive side of love marriage; you already love that person. And you can always find something new about them everyday. Like when you sleep with them the first time (like literally SLEEP!) Or what it’s like to actually live with this person, if you haven’t already. The possibilities of finding new things about the other person is always endless. There will be some things you hate. Then other things that just make you fall in love all over again. Make every date feel like the first date. They accept you for you. Love should be unconditional.
As for the negative, you may start to get tired of the same thing. And the thought of spending the rest of your life with that person is, scary.
But who really decides what’s right?
Here’s a con about arrange marriages; what if you don’t even get to see the person you’re going to marry till the wedding is over?! Yeah, that would probably suck! But what if they just turns out to be utterly horrible and it ends in divorce because you two were not compatible enough to spend the rest of your lives together? What if they use your past against you? What if they just don’t accept you? But then again, what if they’re just perfect for you? What if they’re “The One“??? Ah, the joys of marrying someone you knew for a month.
They say everything is written. How much do you believe in fate?
Well, all I can say now is, let the adventure begin. Arrange marriage it is. (I can already feel the regrets.)
